She’s Pregnant. Now What?
You have just received the news that the person you have been having sex with thinks that she is pregnant. Once you pick yourself up off the floor, here is some advice to help you get a handle on the next steps.
The bottom line? Remain calm. Take a deep breath. Calm your fears as much as you can so you can move forward with a level head. You certainly will not have all the answers at this point or be able to even plan for tomorrow, much less months or years down the road. Just try to stay calm and breath deeply. Live just one moment at a time for right now.
She cannot read your mind so be sure to express your feelings (calmly, of course) when you are given a chance to. First, you need to listen to her. Really listen. What is she really saying? What are her words? What is her body language telling you? Listen with your eyes as well as your ears. When you have listened to her, express your thoughts and feelings. Yes, they will be as mixed up as hers. Yes, you will bounce from one side to the other. That is normal. Just talk to her. Every chance you get let her know you heard what she said.
We have had several women tell us that their boyfriend (or husband) told her, “Whatever you decide. I will support your decision,” and that is all he said to her! You can certainly say that but be sure you express your feelings and thoughts first. Ultimately, the decision to have the baby or have an abortion is hers and hers alone, but YOU carry significant weight with her. So, be sure to share your feelings. And, know you WILL get through this.
She needs you now more than ever. She might not feel comfortable telling anyone but you, so plan to be her “rock” through all of this. We know there are times when this new mother will not allow the father of the baby into her life. Perhaps the relationship really wasn’t a “relationship” and she just doesn’t want to deal with him. If that is your situation, you have to respect her need for privacy but be sure to keep the doors open for communication. You might say something like, “I respect your need for privacy. I won’t bother you at all. Just know I am here if you ever need to talk or if you need something from me.” That lets her know you are there if she needs to reach out.
If she is allowing you to be a part of all of this, be sure you both research all of your options before choosing just one. Research, ask questions, read, listen, be sure you fully explore your options before you make a decision. At MyLife, that Is one of the things we do. We sit with both of you (whenever possible) and discuss pros and cons to abortion, adoption, and parenting. We never try to force any decision. That isn’t what we are here for. We listen and help.
Things we suggest you don’t do:
- Don’t play the “blame game”. Don’t accuse her of doing this intentionally. That may be what happened but it won’t help anything by accusing.
- Don’t raise your voice. Keep a level head (especially these first few weeks).
- Don’t let her believe that “life is over”. YOU be the positive one, if needed. “No, it isn’t the end of the world. This will require us to make some changes, but we can and will get through this.”
- Don’t sweep it under the rug and not deal with it. Yes, you both have plenty of time to make a decision but you need to be working in that direction each day—not just some time in the future.
- Do not run. You were a part of creating this baby. Do not run off and leave everything at her feet. She doesn’t deserve that. Your child does not deserve that.
Do be sure to be supportive and encouraging. This is a very stressful time for both of you. Call us at 636.495.6566 or text 636.575.6581 today. We are here to help! We will keep everything very confidential and we are always non-judgmental. We don’t profit from any decision you make. We just want to help you sort things out.
No, she does not have to be with you for an appointment! We are here to help you, too.